


Bedside

by Buttons15



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-07-05 04:52:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15856584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buttons15/pseuds/Buttons15
Summary: In which Hana explodes her MEKA and gets hospital visits. Trigger warning.





	Bedside

She stared at the figure on the couch next to her bed, her carefully placed make up and neatly combed hair falling over her shoulders, her peachy skin and tense expression. Neither of them said a word. In silence, Hana stared.

Usually, she’d dread being caught. On that day, however, she couldn’t bring herself to care. Perhaps it was the obscene amounts of morphine being pumped into her veins to help with the pains of taking an exploding MEKA to the face. Probably the morphine. One way or the other, she felt particularly bold.

Yuna had been silent for the entire thirty-two minutes of her stay, not that Hana was counting. She’d gotten plenty of visits that day – from her parents, of course, but also from Dae-hyun, who had come in the morning, from her captain, who congratulated her on her bravery, and from the boys in her squad, who came in as a trio and snuck her candy. Yuna was the last to come, strategically timed as always.

Hana looked at the clock on the wall – _thirty-six minutes –_  and considered how at that time in the evening, it was late enough that even the most persistent paparazzi had already gone home, but early enough that the ones who covered the evening events were not yet out hunting. As opposed to her, Yuna had never been a fan of the media attention – and with a face like that, Hana really could not fathom why.

The clock ticked. Silence still. Hana could feel it grow between them, crushing, oppressive. Yuna was the kind to talk little and make very few words count. It was not unusual of her to be this quiet. To some extent, Hana was certain the other did so as a power move, a competition even – to see which one of them would lose their nerve first.

Hana always lost those disputes. It was one of the few things she had no pretense of winning.

“I see your leg is doing a lot better,” she began, not making eye contact.

There were crutches leaning against the wall.

“Mmh.”  Hana turned, but Yuna was looking out the room’s windows. “The doctors and physical therapists are hard at work. They expect me to have a full recovery by the time –” she cut herself short, shrugged.

She didn’t really have to finish. Hana stared at the ceiling. “That’s good. Me too.”

“That was reckless of you, what you did.”

Something tightened in her chest. She took a deep breath, wincing at the pain that shot on her sides.  “I had it under control, really.”

There was a split second after the words rolled off her tongue when Hana thought maybe, just maybe, the lies would stick like they did when she repeated them to the boys.

And then Yuna turned, looked her in the eyes, and Hana felt herself crumble.

Silence. Hana started counting.

_One. Two. Three –_

“I’m sorry,” she said despite herself.

Yuna arched an eyebrow. “For trying to die, or for lying about it?”

_God,_ Hana thought, but didn’t answer. Silence again. It was anguishing, suffocating.

“Why’d you do it?” Yuna asked – _demanded_. “What were you thinking?”

Hana flinched. “I wasn’t. Thinking, I mean. I just –” The flashbacks. The panics. The nights without sleep. She’d seen an opportunity of going out in a bang of glory and god damn it, she’d gone for it.  It all seemed really solid in her head, but explaining it was another matter entirely.

“Well?”

She grit her teeth. “I don’t want to do this anymore. You know this is for show. _We_ are for show. I’m tired, Yuna. I want – no, I need – I need to rest.”

“Rest,” she repeated. “That’s what you’re calling it. No, Hana,” she stood abruptly, a flash of pain crossing her face when she put weight on her injured ankle, “Taking a vacation – what you were supposed to be doing – is resting. Going out partying, comfort food, marathoning series, _that’s_ resting. What you did,” she grabbed the edge of the bed to steady herself. “What you did was pure selfishness.”

Hana covered her face with her palm and waited for tears that didn’t come. “I want to stop,” she whispered. “But I can’t. I don’t – I don’t see a way out anymore. Not sure I ever did. There’s not a single moment without this – this _fear._ I can’t play games anymore. I can’t sleep. I can’t even eat, I can’t – Yuna, I don’t wanna wake up anymore.”

“I know.” Yuna sat on the bed, grabbed her hand. “Hana, I _know._ ”

She did know, and that was what really shattered Hana. She buried her head on Yuna’s shoulders and broke into sobs. _I’m sorry_ , she mumbled incoherently, and then _I want to stop_ , and then _please_ , over and over until her throat hurt. She let Yuna hold her. She squeezed her hand so hard she was sure it hurt.

She took her time. Yuna was quiet, but it felt comforting this time.

“Every mission I promise myself this will be the last one,” she babbled, “That I’ve done plenty and no one could blame me for leaving. I promise myself I’m out and god damn it, Korea can do it without me. But I can’t just _watch_ , not with Jae-Eun and Kyung-Soo and Seung-Hwa out there, not with _you –_ what kind of person would that make me?”

“A normal human,” Yuna murmured, fingers running over Hana’s hair, and despite everything her heart tightened. "With normal limitations. You are right. No one can blame you for leaving."

She felt tears pool on the corners of her eyes again, wiped them out with the back of her hand. “I don’t know how you do it.”

“None of us do it, Hana,” she sighed. “None of us are handling this any better. You know Jae-Eun has a problem with drugs, and we can all hear Seung-Hwa sobbing at night. Kyung-Soo seems to be holding it together but…” she shrugged. “So do you. We were kids – literally kids – when we started. I’m just…numb.”

Hana closed her eyes. “Do you think this will ever stop?”

“Eventually.”

“Do you think _we_ can ever stop?”

Those were two different things entirely. There was a moment of quiet. Hana opened her eyes and saw Yuna hesitate. “I can only say for myself.”

“Can you?”

Yuna smirked – something rare, and Hana took a second to appreciate it. “Well, can I?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

The other shrugged. “Why did you join on first place?”

A few answers went through her head. _I’m not a coward_ and _someone had to_ and even _I enjoy the attention_.

She settled with the truth instead. “I didn’t know. They told me it would be just like a game and it felt like the right thing at the time and I… couldn’t have known what I was getting into. I was just really naïve.”

Yuna scoffed and slapped her in the forehead lightly. “You were always the queen of bad decisions. No surprises there.” Hana stuck out her tongue and Yuna rolled her eyes. “Me, though, why did you think I joined?”

A pause. Hana frowned. “I don’t know. Money? Glory? A sense of duty? You were always a bit of a mystery.”

“Oh my god,” Yuna scowled, and then snuck a hand to her nape, yanked her close and kissed her.

Hana’s brain stopped working.

_I’ve never kissed before_ , she thought incoherently, _I don’t know how_. And then she reached out, grabbing, touching, a little bit desperate. Her heart drummed on her chest. Her skin was on fire, crawling with goosebumps. She let Yuna take the lead, let herself be pushed down on the mattress, Yuna’s hands holding her face in place, and when the other pulled back, she couldn’t stop an undignified whimper.

Her neurons choose that moment to resume working. “Wait. What?”

Yuna blinked, then burst out laughing. It was the most beautiful thing Hana had ever heard. “That could have gotten a better reaction.”

“I’m serious!” and then she realized the magnitude of the implication and was gripped by anguish, “Did you – did you join because – does that mean it’s my fault –”

“Don’t even think to finish that sentence.”

“But – ”

“Shut up. Just shut up. I know exactly what you’re thinking.” Yuna touched Hana’s cheek, and she shivered. “It was my choice, all right? My choice to follow you, just like you choose to follow the rest of the squad every single time.”

“I didn’t know,” she sputtered. “Not in my wildest dreams I would have thought – holy shit. _Holy shit._ I’m an idiot.”

“Yes, you are. And not nearly as subtle as you think, either. I saw you staring.”

Hana blushed. She had way too many feelings and she was getting overwhelmed and despite how absolutely _kinky_ it was that she had just made out with her incredibly gorgeous teammate on a hospital bed, her body still hurt like a bitch.

“I’m so sorry,” she said, because she needed to get it off her chest anyway.

“Don’t be. Make it worth it.” Yuna leaned in again. Hana’s heart sped up so much she started worrying a nurse might burst in at any moment.  “And don’t you _ever_ do that to me again, Song.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> new lesbians 
> 
> new TRAUMATIZED LESBIANS
> 
> I will forever write hana with severe ptsd and that's because when I was a baby buttons and barely starting to read I came across animorphs on the kiddie section and that is a series of books which ends on (spoilers) genocide murder torture and suicide
> 
> and that's how i learned on an early age that war should be written just as awfully as it really is, even if your readers are 10 
> 
> thanks applegate


End file.
